Tuesday, October 6, 2009

good days vs. bad days

Seemingly, I've fallen into the rut of- "Oh yeah, I have a blog..." Dot dot dot. Yet- not maintaining it. It feels as if I can only juggle so many things in my head at once. If I'm feeling artistic, I have a very hard time finding time to, well, not gain weight. If I'm feeling ambitiously athletic, I loose the ambition to make art after I've gone running. It's not so much a separation of the art/sports worlds in my head, it's more a matter of focus of energy.
The need to put 100% in whatever hobby A I'm pursuing drains me of any percentage of energy to pursue hobby B. Maybe I'm supposed to be putting in less effort? Or, maybe I just need to be ingesting more caffeine.
I'm aware I'm not the only person who deals with being devoid of physical energy often... but there must be a better solution than drinking more coffee. There also must be a better solution than feeling bitter towards ones self for not being more productive.
Recently I've been in a body over mind battle. A cloud of ideas and thoughts are feeling trapped in my head because when I go to put them down on paper I get a gust of exhaustion and self doubt. It's the old "Does this really matter anyways? Will anyone besides me care?" feeling.
I wonder if this is the feeling kids who start feeling embarrassed to share their artwork feel- but I'm picking up on it later in life.
My guess is the only way to shake it off is to keep trudging on, and eventually the confidence will come back. Somehow.

1 comment:

StephL! said...

I feel exactly the same way.